0.027 It’s got a proud Jewish heritage, the ultimate example of suburban white privilege, and “Friday Night Phone Funnies”

In which Daniel, Jesse, and Patrick revel in Daniel’s genealogical discoveries, harass Mike, Jimmy, and Dan via voicemail, and discuss Daniel’s desire to secure a patrilocal blended family structure modified to minimize his “responsibility liability.”

Below please find the transcript of the voicemail to Jimmy discussed at 24:15:

Hey Janine, what’s up? Its Dan Johnson. There’s an emergency Jesse Cotton’s cock in an elevator door in the oh my God, and the elevator kept throwing up and his dick was so big that it stopped the elevator. And so we stuck in the elevator was, you know coming through the door. It’s funny crazy emergency. It’s an emergency Jimmy. It’s an emergency. He’s got his dick caught in the microwave. I don’t know microwave came from elevators. Well, I’m an idiot microwave. I guess my quitters of similar. They both have like a door, you know, not really the issue is with the microwave is if you think it’s stuck in the microwave, it’s already I mean, you’re good. It’s not you can’t start the market microwave. I think you already you already have a problem. Yeah, but like the problem is like the microwave makes you think that the problem is the turning the microwave on. Yeah, there’s not it’s like your penis is already mostly severed. Yeah, cuz it’s been and if its first-ever the microwave would start and make your penis into a sausage like cooked sausage or like or like it will turn into us and your mom were coming through but you’ll be off like you’ll be in shock like passed out in the other room like trying to call nine one one of your mom and say oh this looks like a nice sausage would be better crude mockery of those sausages, right? It would be a tiny little for me, you know, all of us, I think Little I got a big sausage for you. I got to Johnson and a big softball game. I’m trying to I’m trying to relate to the common man. Like, you know Howard Stern does. I have a small penis just like you guys but really gigantic Game of Thrones right? When yeah, even like really Ramsay Snow Yeah, like eating that sausage in front of like and you don’t know who the sick or not and it’s all just kind of looking and then he’s like no. Yeah, I still think that guy didn’t get a painful enough desk cuz I know like he, you know, the dogs ate them or whatever. I still think he deserved worse than that. I feel like that was that was oh, yeah. I mean it was like it’s a shity way to go. You know. Yeah that goes like, you know, one of the worst people in the story like I mean, he should have had his nuts and not like that’s like the dog started chewing his nuts. It did what he did it pays off. That was pretty we know it was bad, but it wasn’t. I mean that’s how bad this guy was. It was like that it was it was a true. I mean it wouldn’t want to wish that on my worst. Enemy how he died. I’m sorry. Just we’re going to say something. I just saying he was like the worst one of the worst guys and the story. I think he is. If not, they were I can’t think of anybody in the cuz he’s just totally there’s nothing redeeming about him. There’s a lot of people in that you do bad things, but then there’s like something redeeming, you know, like the dog is the ultimate example that he’s actually guys if he’s very very violent and because dropper is pretty terrible, but he’s like, he’s really stupid. Yeah.

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